Not to mislead anyone, I have a lot more work to do. And a lot more fears to overcome, challenges to conquer, doubts to silence, experiences to experience, and life to live.
Life to live...That's the big one. Accepting that my life is mine to live, and to live indefinitely. I never wondered before what retirement would be like. I didn't concern myself with how I would afford medication in my 70's and 80's. I couldn't picture seeing my daughter graduate from college or my son learn to drive. I didn't wonder what it would be like to be old and frail. i decided a long time ago I wouldn't be around that long. With certainty. Undoubtedly. Not a question.
I was being realistic, and this was my reality.
Was.
Oct 4, 2012 started my new reality. A new reality with new fears, new risks, unpredictable challenges and who knows what else? A new reality where the future is uncertain, uncertain in the best way possible.
It's my first trip around the sun in this new reality. I'm still adjusting. I still have "AHA!" moments. It's going to take some time. But, lucky for me, it looks like I've got as much of it as anybody else.
I am so grateful to the people who have supported me through my physical weaknesses, emotional shortcomings and perspective adjusting. I am grateful to the people who saw past my weaknesses and pushed me to discover my strength. I am grateful to the people who focused on my determination and not my raging steroid-induced emotions. I am grateful to the people who helped when I asked, and especially to those who stepped up when I was too stubborn to ask. I am grateful to the people whose support and presence in my life shows me I will always be more of an asset than a burden.
I am grateful to my readers and virtual supporters. Thank you for following and giving your time to share my journey. Thank you for the support, encouragement and inspiration I feel every time you comment and share. You'd be surprised how meaningful a comment can be, from a stranger, a relative, someone you thought wouldn't even remember you, a close friend, a new "transplant buddy."
I am grateful to my unknown donor and the family he left behind. I know today while I am reflecting fondly on the past year, they are likely mourning their loss. I want them to know I will never forget, under-appreciate or waste this gift.
I am grateful and eternally indebted to my dad and my children for the things they've done without even realizing. They strapped themselves in for the entire ride, struggled along with me, shared in my fear and my excitement, provided strength when I felt weak and never let me forget how important I am to them.
So, Happy Transplant-iversary to me. As I blow out the candles on my virtual Transplant-iversary cake, I'm wishing for more of what you've already given me....your support, comments, smiles, encouragement, inspiration, presence. I'm honored that you've chosen me to give it to.
As I approach my five year anniversary since my own kidney/pancreas transplant, I have never read a better description of what I have felt over the years before and since my transplant. You have expressed it beautifully; "I never wondered before what retirement would be like. I didn't concern myself with how I would afford medication in my 70's and 80's. I couldn't picture seeing my daughter graduate from college or my son learn to drive. I didn't wonder what it would be like to be old and frail. i decided a long time ago I wouldn't be around that long. With certainty. Undoubtedly. Not a question. I was being realistic, and this was my reality.
ReplyDeleteWas.
Oct 4, 2012 (Oct 21, 2008 for me) started my new reality. A new reality with new fears, new risks, unpredictable challenges and who knows what else? A new reality where the future is uncertain, uncertain in the best way possible.
It is not often that someone expresses exactly how I feel but you've done it - so thank you.
It is difficult to celebrate our anniversary knowing that, somewhere, there is a family grieving their loss on the very same day. It is hard to know how to feel.
I wish both of us the best of luck with a future that we never expected to experience.
Best wishes from Jane in Melbourne, Australia.
Woah, Jane! I had to read your comment a few times as I was so touched. Thank you for posting this.
DeleteFirst, it's an amazing feeling to know that you are connected, to feel an understanding and share an emotion. I really look forward to communicating with other SPK TX patients because I know we have a shared struggle/joy/excitement/appreciation/fear. And you don't have to spend half of the time you're sharing info with people explaining the terms and precursors and contingencies to all the details. Thank you for sharing back with me; I don't get many comments, so I value every one, and especially one meaningful as this.
And also, to know we're connected across so many miles...My blog stats sometimes tell me I'm being read in other countries but I never knew how accurate this was. Thank you for solidifying my understanding of just how far I've reached.
I'm glad to hear you are celebrating 5 years, and I hope they have been productive and joyous ones. I imagine they've been challenging and rewarding.
So, congratulations to you(just like me!) on the unpredictable journey in front of you. I wish you winds and turns and adventure and peace that you didn't even realize could exist 5 years ago!
it is people like you who give people like me (wait list for 2 years for skp) the courage and strength to go through this journey with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. o know everything will work out. look at you, there are bumps in the road but there you are still pushing forward! stay strong sister!!
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