Not to mislead anyone, I have a lot more work to do. And a lot more fears to overcome, challenges to conquer, doubts to silence, experiences to experience, and life to live.
Life to live...That's the big one. Accepting that my life is mine to live, and to live indefinitely. I never wondered before what retirement would be like. I didn't concern myself with how I would afford medication in my 70's and 80's. I couldn't picture seeing my daughter graduate from college or my son learn to drive. I didn't wonder what it would be like to be old and frail. i decided a long time ago I wouldn't be around that long. With certainty. Undoubtedly. Not a question.
I was being realistic, and this was my reality.
Was.
Oct 4, 2012 started my new reality. A new reality with new fears, new risks, unpredictable challenges and who knows what else? A new reality where the future is uncertain, uncertain in the best way possible.
It's my first trip around the sun in this new reality. I'm still adjusting. I still have "AHA!" moments. It's going to take some time. But, lucky for me, it looks like I've got as much of it as anybody else.
I am so grateful to the people who have supported me through my physical weaknesses, emotional shortcomings and perspective adjusting. I am grateful to the people who saw past my weaknesses and pushed me to discover my strength. I am grateful to the people who focused on my determination and not my raging steroid-induced emotions. I am grateful to the people who helped when I asked, and especially to those who stepped up when I was too stubborn to ask. I am grateful to the people whose support and presence in my life shows me I will always be more of an asset than a burden.
I am grateful to my readers and virtual supporters. Thank you for following and giving your time to share my journey. Thank you for the support, encouragement and inspiration I feel every time you comment and share. You'd be surprised how meaningful a comment can be, from a stranger, a relative, someone you thought wouldn't even remember you, a close friend, a new "transplant buddy."
I am grateful to my unknown donor and the family he left behind. I know today while I am reflecting fondly on the past year, they are likely mourning their loss. I want them to know I will never forget, under-appreciate or waste this gift.
I am grateful and eternally indebted to my dad and my children for the things they've done without even realizing. They strapped themselves in for the entire ride, struggled along with me, shared in my fear and my excitement, provided strength when I felt weak and never let me forget how important I am to them.
So, Happy Transplant-iversary to me. As I blow out the candles on my virtual Transplant-iversary cake, I'm wishing for more of what you've already given me....your support, comments, smiles, encouragement, inspiration, presence. I'm honored that you've chosen me to give it to.
