Honestly, I haven't been feeling especially well for the past week or so. I haven't wanted to admit it...feeling ashamed of having such good numbers and so much success and yet, not feeling well. People who know me are excited and congratulatory for my success, but I've been hesitant to pat myself on the back and declare victory. I want to FEEL better.
Over a week ago, my Prograf(measure immunosuppressant levels in your blood) dropped considerably and unexpectedly out of healthy range. My nurse increased my dosage by almost double and told me to expect some side effects, like feeling worn out.
She was right. I've spent this week nodding off in the middle of the day, physically drained and overwhelmed by the daunting physical task of living life. My feet and hands have been falling asleep without real provocation and my hands are constantly shaking; this is disturbing.
I've gone twice for blood tests to check status. First test showed low hemoglobin level and I had a shot of Epogen to boost my red blood cell count, but this takes a while to take effect.
By Friday, I had to go in for another check. Results came in, my hemoglobin is now 7.3 and a blood transfusion is necessary. Begrudgingly, I checked in to the hospital and I am now in the end stages of my five hour transfusion. Ugh.
I am simultaneously grateful for the treatment, disappointed in its necessity and frustrated at my continued dependency on treatment.
Actually, I'm mostly frustrated. I want to feel better. I want to bounce back. I want to trust my body. I want to live without fear.
The tech comes in to check my vitals and the nurse gives me the go-ahead to be discharged. I can't wait to be disconnected and out the door.
Yay! Bring on the feeling better!
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