Home and Hemo

So I am home, and the days get kind of blurry.  My body still feels weak and my mind is racing all the time, getting exhausted with the tons of ideas going through my head while my body moves painstakingly slowly. I have to go to the dialysis center three times a week for hemo dialysis.  I hate it. Everything I read says it should be painless, but every time, my blood pressure drops, I get dizzy and I feel like I am going to pass out.  I am so confused as the nurse tells me to have some soup, that I need more sodium to stay coherent…But…I am on dialysis to remove sodium and toxins from my blood…and now to fix their "solution" I have to put more toxins and sodium in...none of it makes any sense to me.  I try to get answers from the techs and nurses, but they are less than helpful. 

I resort to online research, and learn a little more, but I still can't seem to make it through a 4 hour hemo treatment without needing half a day to recover afterwards.  I dont understand how all the elderly people I see in the center do this for years; I dread going to the center. The silver lining: my pd catheter wound is healing well and I begin training for at-home peritoneal dialysis. 

The first step is manual exchanges.  It's relatively simple, but still very time consuming.  I have to spend abut 30 mins per exchange, 4 times a day.  Logistically what this means is I have to be in my bathroom at 8am, at 12noon, at 4pm, and at 8pm.  The exchanges are not difficult, but adhering to the schedule makes getting anything else done almost impossible. I really try to meet the exchange requirements and re-start my life, but it is a challenge.  I end up falling short on both; I often only get 3 exchanges done in a day AND haven't yet been able to reclaim my responsibilities.  I am frustrated at needing the help, but especially grateful to those who stepped up and helped me for such an extended period of time. 

I rejoice in small accomplishments: completing all 4 exchanges in one day, getting my son to the bus on time, remembering to take all my prescribed meds. My blood pressure is well controlled, my energy is building, I'm not scared all the time.